This is with an added tweak or two. Any thoughts?
Quickly looking over this, I think the thing that bothers me most is that the date isn't aligned on a grid with the text next to it (the text encapsulating the date, if you will). I think making the whole a bit more aligned could make it look more airy and clean. Give the shapes some air, and you will also lend it a bit more legibility.
I agree with Sebastiaan - give your letters some air to float in. Also; the tower is lost in the background, and more letter space may help it. Did you try playing with the opacity of the yellow text to let the tower shine through? This may (?) give the effect of the letters being made of the moonlight ... especially if you added a subtle yellow "spotlight graphic" (flashlight triangle) hitting the back of the text (from the moon). Just a thought.
I would recommend you use a less tonally similar (to the background) colour for the II. You could maybe put the date in the save the date banner. The choice of a serif for the BRAC Center… text seems strange I would look at the sans style with tighter leading, using half line spacing to keep the three elements (The BRAC Center… in Paris II, date and time, and ticket information) separate. btw, You need a space between •Reserved Tables.
And a small but niggling thing that always grates on my nerves: it's "7 p.m." not "7 pm"
> it’s “7 p.m.” not “7 pm”
Admittedly I have no literature to hand backing this up, but I’m pretty sure it isn’t a definitive universal standard. I’m sure a grand reputable book somewhere holds the answer. Perhaps a new thread beckons.
you got any other concepts?