Chuck Norris Compilation

In the spirit of the prolific Chuck Norris thread, I thought I'd keep a running compilation of all the jokes. That way people can use this blog to post new jokes, even after the thread eventually dies.

In the beginning was the Word. Then Chuck added other letters, numbers and signs.

Some letters are so afraid of Chuck Norris that they form ligatures.

FontLab never crashes for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can tell whether the font is Arial or Helvetica – blindfolded.

Chuck Norris can literally draw a space glyph.

Chuck Norris knows where the circle begins.

Chuck Norris doesn’t have to make spacing and kerning, glyphs do that themselves.

Chuck Norris can use zoom tool in FontLab up to the point where you can see specific atoms.

It’s better not to see typefaces as good or bad; there is just a list of permitted fonts allowed to be (ab)used. List made by you know who.

Chuck Norris doesn’t like children. That’s why Comic Sans is on that list.

Chuck Norris once started designing a typeface when he was drunk. That night the “w” was born.

Chuck Norris can SPEAK Braille

Chuck Norris doesn't set type – he just throws all the letters together and expects each to know its role in his sentence.

Chuck Norris only creates one weight per font: Extra Bold.

No flush left. Everything Chuck does is justified.

"Chuck Norris only creates one weight per font: Extra Bold."
...and then roundhouse-kicks it to create italic.

Chuck Norris scared the Venetians straight.

Chuck Norris doesn't use the word "tittle".

Chuck Norris whispers in all caps.

Chuck Norris leaves widows and orphans in his wake.

Chuck Norris only makes kick-ass type.

Chuck Norris likes whole, not sub - pixels.

The industry had to abandon hot lead typesetting when Chuck Norris snorted it all up.

Chuck Norris uses a three-story /a/.

Did you know that every question mark Chuck Norris designs is actually an interrobang‽

Chuck Norris makes wood type by biting bits off a tree.

Chuck Norris handcuts the mats... with his fingernails.

“Myriad” was aptly named following a demonstration of how many ways Chuck Norris can kill a man.

Chuck Norris redesigned Helvetica. Now it actually is Switzerland.

Chuck Norris hinted Verdana by punching the monitor.

Chuck Norris doesn’t need one of these:

He’ll letterpress your wedding invitations with his bare hands.

Chuck Norris have intimate knowledge of Mrs. Eaves' bezier curves.

Chuck Norris' bloodtype is woodtype.

Chuck Norris’ keyboard ...

Chuck Norris can do embossing and die-cutting with an inkjet.

Chuck Norris doesn't work in the real world. All of his characters are fictional.

Chuck Norris can kick you in the nut fractions in< 1/4 of a second.

Robert Bringhurst returned from Chuck Norris's house with two stone tablets on which were inscribed the Elements of Typographic Style.

"Optically corrected," "monolinear" stroke widths look grotesquely modulated to Chuck Norris's perfect eyes.

The ellipsis was designed after the imprint of Chuck Norris' knuckles on the Trajan Column.

Chuck Norris once designed an eminently readable pixel font with a 1px cap height.

“Chuck Norris once designed an eminently readable pixel font with a 1px cap height.”
With subscript and superscript nicely done, of course.

Chuck Norris once designed a hairline font so thin that only he could see it.

Chuck Norris successfully created a ligature that tells his entire life story, from conception to 5,000 years in the future.

A Chuck Norris glare is sufficient to uncrash any piece of software. Even Windows.

Chuck Norris can jump over thousand lazy dogs at a stroke.

Spindly Bastard, Fat Bastard, Even Fatter Bastard, Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can smell the IP of font-file-sharers.

Any font recommended by Chuck Norris for a logo is the perfect choice. Any font at all.

Chuck Norris created the first two-story ‘a’ when he physically uppercutted his birth certificate at the sight of his name being mis-spelled “Chuck Narris”.

Chuck Norris doesn’t punch cripples. So many serifs decided for self-amputation.

An Inserat is a Bold after a Chuck Norris slap.

There is an Unicode point reserved for Chuck Norris’ DNA-ligature.

If Chuck Norris would be your teacher, you would delta hint your fonts, because you want to stay alive.

Chuck Norris can compile the OT features of Operina Pro with his brain.

Be grateful, that Chuck Norris allows you to use C, h, u, c, k, N, o, r, i and s.

Chuck Norris’ hairlines are extrablack.

All of the letters in Chuck's font have apertures — or as he likes to call them — “targets”.

Chuck Norris create the entire alphabets on planet, then he manage the universal knowledge about all things. and I guess he don't need to know what we talk about him on this forum.. xD

Chuck Norris' em square is actually an octagon and his em dash is the longest ever seen.

When asked why is lowercase had no descenders he quipt "I go down for no one!"

He has a legendary sucker-punchcutter takedown and created the quaddbls to spell "ßßhit!"

Chuck can take a • to his head and † or ‡ can't pierce his flesh.

Chuck Norris designed a sans with serifs.

Chuck Norris can say "tittle" without laughing.

Chuck Norris can use a glyph palette in Photoshop.

Chuck Norris can use Comic Sans tastefully.

Chuck Norris refuses to say the word “Frutiger” — he prefers the more manly “Meatiger”.

Chuck Norris designed a font family with 1,000 weights, starting with Ultra Black.

Chuck Norris’ font is so bold ... How bold is it? ... It’s so bold, that when printed, it simply soaks your entire page in black ink.

Chuck Norris uses a gun to make ball endings on serif faces

Chuck Norris’ font is so bold ... How bold is it? ... It’s so bold, that when printed, it simply soaks your entire page in black ink.
But, despite this, the resulting text is still both readable and legible.

The Gs in Chuck Norris's fonts have beards. So do all the other letters.

Chuck Norris once designed a font called Snell Roundhousekick.

Chuck Norris doesn't have opinions... he has truths.

Chuck Norris does not have truths. He has Truths (with capital T).

Chuck Norris doesn't have opinions... he has knuckles.

Chuck Norris doesn’t have knuckles. He has arguments.

The shortest type related Chuck Norris fact: Chuck Norris!!!

Chuck Norris has invented the exclamation-ellipsis. Or was it the space-ellipsis?

Chuck Norris stares the brand marks onto the rumps of his horses.

Chuck Norris faster draws a perfect alphabet, than you can draw a space.

Unable to connect. The site could be temporarily … If Chuck Norris would be the webmaster of Typophile, I had not to locally store this sentence, until Typophile is up again.

Chuck Norris doesn’t need a son, when he wants to fire at an Apple.

Chuck Norris doesn't have opinions... he has knuckles.
... and on each of those knuckles is a lustrous beard.

Every document Chuck Norris has ever published has been perfect-bound... that is, bound perfectly by his own two hands.

Chuck Norris can “un-404” any web server by simply staring it down... hint-hint.