What does a guy have to do to get a decent beer?

Primary tabs

13 posts / 0 new
Last post
Nick Curtis's picture
Offline
Joined: 21 Apr 2005 - 8:16am
What does a guy have to do to get a decent beer?
0

Well, on a recent trip to Annapolis, Maryland—where mine goodly wife and I attended a very special wedding and had an overall incredible time—all I had to do was ask for it. For my money, IMHO, Moretti La Birra Rossa is the best double-bock on the planet—if double-bock is what you are into, which I am, so it makes perfect sense.

Anyhow, the inn we stayed at—right across from the Maryland State House and, oddly enough, called the State House Inn (what are the odds of that?)—has a lovely Italian restaurant attached to it—literally—with a LOT of friendly people working there. Plus, given the contiguous nature of stuff, they even bring it to your room, served up on fine china, with real cloth napkins, at a 10% discount, because you're staying in the inn. My old man, the cheapskate, would have loved this place!

Anyhow, I splurge the first night and tell the missus to order whatever she wants off the menu, no matter the price—which, I figured, couldn't be TOO bad, if freaking rack of lamb is only thirty bucks—and we have a wonderful time eating, and then—none of your business. The only problem is: it's too much of a good thing. Which means a sumptuous morning knosh the next day, already bought and paid for. Sweet!

So, the next night, we buy the best appetizer on the menu and some seafood fettucine, and we're set! Except for another Moretti. Well, the bill comes to forty-four bucks, and I am feeling so much love that I decide to SHARE the love, American style of course, and flip out a twenty for the tip. Mister Big Shot! For twenty lousy bucks! Well, the manager, Jose, who is a real hep cat, says, “Too much, man!” And I say, “Thank you for noticing,” only he is not saying what I think he is saying. And, to prove it, he pulls ANOTHER TWO Morettis out of the cooler and INSISTS that I take them, ON THE HOUSE. So, what do I do? What do you think? I take them, even though—at 7.2% ABV—three of these babies is like five regular beers, which is just about enough to get me in trouble.

So, forget the gift horse stuff: the one thing I DO NOT look in the mouth is free beer, no matter what, because that's the kinda guy I am. So, with and after dinner, I have two, leave one in the fridge for the next lucky patron—who will consider him or herself fortunate if they just happen to like THIS PARTICULAR kind of beer (God will provide, I figure, and I hope he provides an opener, because the good stuff does NOT have a twist-off cap). And, what happens next when I am feeling frisky, is also TMI. If you catch my drift…

Anyhow…I wish I could make it to TypeCon THIS year but, life being what it is, I have come up with far too many reasons not to the the right thing for a change, and I NEED to take a trip to Dallas in August (oh, the inexpressible joy!) to see my 85-year-old mom before she croaks—which all parties concerned hope is not soon, but you never know, do you?

Speaking of the dearly departed, my cheapskate dad just LOVED Schlitz and, from time to time, I buy a sixer of the stuff—which, for its class (which is low) is pretty decent stuff. Trouble is, you can't always find it where I live—although, since it is THE beer which made Milwaukee famous—I think I know where I CAN go to toast the old man. Except I can't, because of the old lady.

So, fellow travelers, while you're at the Con (and, believe you me, the name alone and its possibilities really intrigue me), if you have a chance—and a strong constitution—hoist a Schlitz and toast my Pop. His name is Jim, but “L’chaim!” will do just fine.

And, if you can't pronounce either, do that dippy Brit thing and say “Cheers!”

Cheers.

Hrant H Papazian's picture
Joined: 3 May 2000 - 11:00am
0

I'll have to do it remotely too: cheers to the TypeCon crowd (and you and yours too).

hhp

Nick Curtis's picture
Offline
Joined: 21 Apr 2005 - 8:16am
0

Hey, Hrant—

At least I came up with a plausible excuse…

But, thanks for sharing the sentiment, and thereby, the love. All I got right now is iced tea, but the next sip is a toast to all Armenians, past and present, but especially past. If you know what I mean, which—I am supremely confident—you, of all people, do.

John Hudson's picture
Offline
Joined: 21 Dec 2002 - 11:00am
0

I'll be at TypeCon, and will gladly raise a glass to you and yours... but it won't be beer because I gave up drinking it when I realised it was just bread in liquid form.

Nick Curtis's picture
Offline
Joined: 21 Apr 2005 - 8:16am
0

John,

If I had a choice between alternate forms of the Staff of Life, I would choose a bit more wisely. Or not. Depending on your point of view and/or religious affiliation. Me? I was raised Catholic, and have two German grandparents, one Greek, and one Irish, so you know that I am genetically predisposed to the liquid variety.

Besides, toss in a little butter and jam, and who can tell the difference…at least, after a few “slices”…if you catch my drift.

John Hudson's picture
Offline
Joined: 21 Dec 2002 - 11:00am
0

Ah, but I reject the whole 'Staff of Life' malarky. Annual grains are the Staff of Agriculture with which the formerly free nomads, hunters and gatherers are beaten into civilisation. I hold no truck with them, in solid or liquid form.

Reynir Heiðberg Stefánsson's picture
Joined: 19 Nov 2010 - 11:15am
0

So, let him drink cake, then. At least John won't be rabbitting my brewskis.

Neil Caldwell's picture
Offline
Joined: 8 Jan 2010 - 12:11am
0

Beer is God.

Truth is a lot like beer, it flows from one reality to another.

n.

Nick Curtis's picture
Offline
Joined: 21 Apr 2005 - 8:16am
0

Té—

Pretty snappy repartee. Props, dude. Is this your usual modus operandi, or do you get even loosier-goosier with a couple of slices of cake in you?

Okay, and also: thanks for cluing me in on John's nasty habits. At least, his public ones.

OTOH, if he doesn't Bogart, then we can all make accommodations…

Except maybe Hrant. The guy can get grouchy at times. Which I get, but Turkey apparently doesn't.

Riccardo Sartori's picture
Joined: 13 Jul 2009 - 4:20am
0
Tim Daly's picture
Offline
Joined: 11 Sep 2003 - 9:04am
0

Moretti, that’s the one with the sinister assassin on the label no?

Chin chin, old bean (as a dippy Brit would really say).

Tim

Reynir Heiðberg Stefánsson's picture
Joined: 19 Nov 2010 - 11:15am
0

@oldnick – Sadly, no cake, be it solid or liquid state. No liquid bread either, not till the town fest primo Augusti. That was just my own mind jumping twixt hill and dale.

Paul B. Cutler's picture
Offline
Joined: 15 May 2005 - 11:40am
0

John Hudson - Annual grains are the Staff of Agriculture with which the formerly free nomads, hunters and gatherers are beaten into civilisation.

Fully with you John, once sedentary agrarian societies enabled gathering a grotesque quantity of possessions, the party was over.

Cain slew Abel.

pbc